Lunch at The Japanese Burrito

Basics
Location
Website



Per Person
Menu €9.50

In Pictures
On Google Images

In not so many words
Hopes?
Fusion with a decent wallop.
Reality?
Confusion with a massive whimper.
First Impressions?
It's fast foody, with nice chairs.
A USP?
They serve Japanese Burritos. Allegedly.
The Food in Three words.
No Eastern Promise.
Can they get the staff?
Two blokes. Enough when we got there.
Service with a smile?
Helpful enough; I guess.
Would you take your friends?
Nope.
Rating for a dating?
Don't. Just don't.
Tip?
Not at all.
If you could change one thing, what would it be?
They spell Burrito with the double consonant backwards. The entire concept needs kick up those reversed rrs.
Going back?
Sayonara, Mexico City. Hasta nunca, Tokyo.

In not so few words


So Madrid's gone a bit taco-wacko in the past few years, has it not? Taco Bell turned up, and I confess I've not been tempted yet. Confession? Temptation? That purple certainly makes me think of penance. Tako-away have done well, although with loads of branches in some central barrios, they might risk bursting their own bubble. So, to be different in a crowded market? Obvious. Add an oriental touch. Sushi and so on is in. Tortillas, stuffed with stuff, are in. Two and two makes...?

It makes a dull lunch.

We had hopes. Not many. Just some decent, memorable flavours. But TJB aren't competition for the new street food restaurants around the corner in Calle Cardinal Cisneros. There's just not enough flavour - or fun - for that.

We stayed broadly Mexican on this visit, with a hint of the far east. Verdict?

Taco Time.
Coccinata pibil.
Juicy enough, but lacked any real heat or strength. Tako-away, please take-o away my order, next time. Only saving grace? It's not called pulled pork.
Oriental Chicken
We're instituting h:m's First Rule of Dish Naming:

The vaguer the geographical adjective = The blander the food.

And blimey does it apply here. An entire hemisphere's worth of flavour is missing from this dish. It's a bit of chickenyness and shredded carrot. And some big bits of lettuce. The end.

Both tacos are generous enough. Both have a good ratio of fillings - they aren't overloading them with cheapo rice. But both are just dull and lacking any spark. It's, fundamentally a S.A.U.C.E!* situation.

Accompaniments
Nachos
They're named after some fella called Ignacio, as far as I know. What can go wrong? How about a megasplodge of creamy stuff that seemed to have something not entirely unlike honey in it. Let's say that again. Sourish cream with added honeyish flavour. Just....why? Not a winner. Not a runner up. Not even through from the first round of voting to the final 25 in the Eurovision. Nul points...
Edamame
Bean and gone. Lots of rock salt. Must say, the most fun I had this lunchtime was popping little green beans out of their pods and into my gob.

Drinks
Pepsi or similar, unlimited refills in the style of BK. Just how much Pepsi does one person actually want, anyway? An unlimited amount? Exactly.

Dessert
Industrial cheesecake. Ground up biscuit powder and liquid creamy stuff. Dismal.

AOB?
Minor annoyances abound, sadly.

• 50c for a tiny pot of spicy sauce.
• Pick your own tray from a pile to get served. Even MacDonalds know that makes them look lazy.
• Microwave your own burrito. Each needs at least a minute, not the 40s recommended. And it's that or have it stone cold. 
• There's nowhere to deposit the contents of used trays, leaving messy tables until someone's free to tidy them.

It's not a winner. It needs a serious rethink on almost every level except the design work and the quantities of food which are both very well-judged. It's a tough market. I don't think this cuts it, at the moment.

A major disappointment.

*Spicy Additional Unguent? Considered Essential!

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